The Incongruence of Toughness

I apologize it’s been so long since my last post, but I returned from traveling months ago and shied away from social media in an effort to stay grounded in the moment. I’ve been writing and reading a ton, like to think I’ve been in a literary cocoon. I’ve been working on all sorts of stuff, from researching mythology and native cultures. to practicing story techniques to world-building my novel.

Here’s an essay I wrote recently exploring a question I had, which turns out to be an incredibly good motivator for writing.

As we grow up, there’s a panoply of phrases tossed around that one will most certainly hear. These peppermint wisdoms have been handed out for ages, their flavor of cliché making eyes roll with sarcasm. Yet, once unwrapped and melting on your tongue, you find there’s a gush of gooey truth inside. One of these phrases I’d like to ponder is “toughen up.”

It’s a rule of life that one must be tough. It’s a harsh, unrelenting world out there, and you won’t make it anywhere if you often give up. But when you think of all the contexts to which this word/phrase can be applied, the gradient becomes blurry concerning what it means to be tough. Check this out:

A rod of steel is tough, same as alligator skin.

An armadillo is tough, same as a stick of beef jerky.

Not giving up is tough, same as giving something up.

Reading master works of fiction can be tough, same as learning a Beethoven symphony.

Shooting a 3-pointer blindfolded is tough, same as singing in front of an audience.

Telling your girlfriend you cheated on her is tough, same as telling your parents you’re gay.

Making a name for yourself is tough, and so is getting caught doping.

Serving to protect your family is tough, and so is dropping an atom bomb.

It’s tough to stand up for what you believe in, and even tougher to make yourself be heard.

Running a 4-minute mile is tough, and so is flying a plane.

Walking a highline is tough, and so is staying balanced in daily life.

Boxing your way to the championship is tough, and so is losing it.

Hiding your emotions is “tough,” but so is laying them out in the open.

Winning 8 gold medals is tough, and so is pretending pot is wrong.

Respecting everyone’s opinions is tough, especially anyone who watches Fox News.

Standing up for what’s right is tough, same as admitting your faults.

Fighting cancer is tough, and so is performing open-heart surgery.

Letting go of someone is tough, and so is embracing an enemy.

Being a minority is tough, same as speaking against your own people.

Flying across the world where you won’t see one familiar face is tough, same as being tied down to a dreaded 9-5 to support a wife and kids.

Facing your fears is tough, and even tougher is chasing your dreams.

Being tough means staying true to you, no matter the circumstance. Life will throw all kinds of shit your way, and being tough means surviving it all. Sure, there are moments you’ll break, fall apart cursing the world, lock yourself in the dark and cry yourself to sleep. No one is born with an iron will. But let me ask you this: at what point does this become self-indulgence?

It’s healthy to acknowledge your emotions, but don’t let them control you. Being tough doesn’t mean closing yourself off from the world. Instead, it means embracing everything wholly, and having the confidence to know your spirit will thrive no matter what.

Whatever being tough means to you, it means just as much to someone else, but in a completely different way. We should all strive to be tough every day. What does being tough mean to you?